Thursday, March 8, 2012

Devil's advocate...

We, people of this great democracy, have a genetic disorder of debating.We do it for the sake of it.We love it.Okay! not all of us.Here I am addressing the people who are more like me; those who are laffaazz. (laffaazz is someone blah blah blah ,read "about me")

Fruitless debates are the most reoccurring thing in our free and busy time.We start a war of words and discussion almost on every  occasion. Trust me you can find people discussing ,"if this was the best way to depart?", on a funeral.

Reader : objection My lord, author is exaggerating.
Judge : objection sustained.
Me : Okhhay!! withdrawn.

Yet, I can say we debate on any topic.From corruption to seduction, assembly election or cricket selection, railway is doing good or real bad, Anna is democratic or authoritative, movie was good or over hyped,  you-have-true -feelings or its-just-your-new-crush, she is beautiful or well dressed, global warming makes me feel hot or not, petrol is finishing or what, my job is more awesome than yours( before drinks), my job is more pathetic than yours( after drinks),  from walmart is good for economics to undertaker is better than khali.

You see, there are two types of people when it comes to a nonsensical discussion.First are those, who start talking about anything around them and the other are those, who easily listen/ignore anything around them.Its when the two of first kind meet; there comes a fierce debate.
Wait !!Did we miss something here.What about a mathematical possibility that the two have a same stance on the topic under dissection oooops, I meant discussion.Darn these spelling mistakes.I wonder how I could ever prescribe "aspirin" with confidence, had I been a doctor.

So what about that possibility? Well, this is where you find the difference between real and imaginary.That possibility never arises.For, if one starts supporting one side, a guy like me (and trust me there are many) shall start the other way.If its a large group, most people stick to their opinion but a true laffaazz always goes the other way.Taking it head on.I can handle all against one with the most controversial opinion ever.

Now if you often find yourself in these situations or want to be a part of these, you may use what I have learnt from my share of nonsense:

1. Pick the challenging side. Be the liberal if you are among conservatives.Be the conservatives among liberals and make them feel they are too liberal! Pick up the dirty fight unless its about those are few things, you really have an opinion for.While we are still talking about it, I want to tell you something more.These days everybody takes controversial side, so take up standard side. It's like, when every movie will be in 3D, 2D would be the cool thing."Reverse psychology".Rather "reverse of the reverse psychology".Wait ! wont that make it psychology again.Ahhh lets get out of this point before I hypnotize myself with cyclic thoughts.

2.Don't succumb to facts given by opponent. Just say : "now this is something I am not very sure of, I doubt that." Who is going to get you a proof? Where will he look at!! internet?? People never know the full story and so even if someone pops up  internet, he would always give away some points to you too. Anyway, it's never about truth there.We are in war and no matter what, you can deny anything that you can't turn on your side.

3.Make up ambiguous facts  if you are falling short of knowledge.You will, so don't worry.Quote anybody, name anything, twist history and reverse geography,use mathematics, misuse economics. Caught red handed?? DENY!!

4.Keep the notes in which the other is singing.Shout when he shouts and murmur when he murmurs.Make sure that at a suitable point (after you are tired) you point out that,"shouting doesn't makes you right!"

5.Agree with other on a small point.That puts other on a bad situation.It makes you appear that you were listening and you were in a positive discussion.Use that emotional pressure and make opponent agree on a bigger point in the flow.

6.Get the not so involved, innocent, goofy audience on your side and laugh hard on your joke.Your laughter may induce unsure laughter among crowd and perspire the opponent.If others are laughing at you and you don't have much support build up sensitivity questioning their seriousness on such a topic."the country is struggling!I don't know what makes you laugh!!!"

7.Be classy.Don't know what I mean?That's exactly what I mean.Keep on saying things which sound so full of class without any meaning and context at all.  "Its just like having the best wine in your hand.You often don't know the age, but you savor the taste none the less, don't you?"

9.Keep improvising your stand and thoughts with the flow of discussion.

8.Most importantly...Never listen.Hear, make a note, remember for future reference but never ever listen.You shall never let that guy get in to you.You hear me!!Never give up.Always remember.There is no end to a talk.No one is right and no one is a winner.Its just the satisfaction that you kept on that we fight for.

All set now...So tell me if  global warming is a threat.I am ready with a No...

(laughter on backdrop, curtains dropping)


  1. Hehe. Funny and insightful to a Laffaazz life! A little confession - there is a little Laffaazz in me too. I find going against the conventional beliefs to be a little fun. Its really amazing to see how close people hold their opinions to their hearts! Like you said - its a war!

  2. thanks umair for reading...and for your confession..father forgives your sins as laffaazz...thanks a lot for dropping comment...


Your laffaazzi!!!