Saturday, May 9, 2015

Ask me new. ( hate speech against exams)

When you ask me a question, I feel happy to answer.Your curiosity is admirable,and your respect to my opinion is encouraging. However, the sacred covenant in the question-answer mode of conversation is that the person asking the question doesn't know the answer, or at least he is not so sure about it. This trust is paramount and breach of it results in frustration! 
This is precisely the reason why I hate examinations. 
Why do you ask me something you already know? 
You are giving me a complex calculation, and I waste my time to solve it. But later you pull out your model answer set and match my findings!!Above all, If any difference is found, you hail your answer correct!! What does that even mean? Why then did you even ask me the question you little piece of work ?

So much of time is being wasted in figuring out presolved problems. Any new answer amount to failure, and people talk of out of box thinking. Where is the respect for new ideas, new answers, new formulae, and new solutions?? Anything different and you are wrong! Where is the humane approach of treating the different with love and sensitivity and respect? 


What kind of example are we setting in examination halls? No one is interested in co-operation, even when all are haunted by exact same problem! This is when time is a constraint! Is this how we will respond to an alien attack? This is shameless enforcement of  Individualism and nothing else! 
Worse is that those who seek to co-operate are
 discouraged and punished, at times humiliated too!
Pathetic!
What is the objective here? Do you want to test whether I know what you or a teacher taught me? Then test the teacher for god sake! He is the one who taught me! 
 If you are looking for checking my capacity as a student, you can't check it by asking questions. You have to give me a blank paper where I will write new questions! You try them, and see if you can answer them, and tell me an answer. If it's satisfactory, this was the question I had in mind, and you just told me the answer, now I have no further question. Subject is done.
 Should you fail to solve them, or the question doesn't make any sense, you must pass me  and send me for higher education so I figure out that question.
Above all, if I don't write any question on the subject matter, you must understand that I have no doubts what so ever, pass me my diploma or whatever and off you go. 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Hot but not sexy !

Delhi is so hot these days.
Delhi is so hot that if I order tea in a road shop, I can drink it till night. I was walking by a kid having a lollipop, and I thought he was smoking; it's that hot. It is so hot that a bird dropped dead  from sky on someone's plate, and he thought it was the roasted piece that he ordered before!
It's hilariously hot. It makes you laugh in despair. Actually you are crying, but your tears are getting evaporated. It is so hot that ice cream is soft drink, soft drink is hot coffee, and hot coffee is molten iron! 
It is so hot that a polar bear died only because somebody showed him delhi on google map. 
I posted a recent picture on facebook and got a 100 like. It was in delhi and every one said that it was looking super hot. 
It's obscenely hot. It is so hot that it has been banned in many conservative societies.
It's so hot that pizza delivery packs are being dispatched half cooked from the shop! 
It is so hot that no matter who pulls whose leg, everyone in the group gets burnt. 
It is so hot that a person using infrared technology night vision glasses has to use them after wearing a shades on top. 
It's just fucking hot! 
And I am having a cold!! 
Irony just got roasted! 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Tortoise and rabbit - hit and run race

The winner in the story of slow-cum-steady tortoise and fast-cum-proud rabbit turned out to be an even slower Mumbai session court, who, after a decade's chase, found the hit and run rabbit guilty.Kudos. We hail it as victory of justice system and rightly so.
But.....
Where as all of us feel that privileged give the justice system a long chase and often subvert it to their comfort, in this particular case I beg to differ. I say this with utmost honesty but with a right to deny it (in case I happen to fall in wrong side of law), that I have known people who have done such acts ( of killing people in drunk drive etc), and have gotten away with it.As far as I know( with a right to refuse it), it costed far less than you would think! 
It seems Salman turned out to be too visible to get advantage of the system.
Apparently in India the middle level of power and middle level of richness is the sweet spot. This is the place where you get your FIRs corrected or decimated without a noise. 
Being a brother of let's say DSP or a powerful inspector, a distant third cousin of an MLA, a local level leader's brother, or a status like such are the exact blind spot of justice system. 
The law is one for very rich and famous, and poor. Law is absent for upper level of middle class or lower level of upper class. 

( disclaimer- I am not supporting Salman here! 
CLAIMER- It's all fiction ( wink) 


Monday, May 4, 2015

Super power of flying !!

Flying- 
This super power has really caught our imagination from time infinite, and we have successfully created so many air crafts for the same. It definitely was a super power as long as only birds were flying but, after so many air crafts occupying the space, we need to rethink. Does the power of flying come with a power of navigation, is one question. You can fly from roof to roof, keeping the landing place in sight( careful for electric wires), but that will hamper seriously your altitude of flying and distance you can travel. Plus you will remain a stone throwaway distance from land, making you seriously vulnerable to all those who may get irritated. ( One slap, and I have a dead mosquito !)
If you increase your altitude at medium heights, you will subject yourself to various extremities of a turbulent weather and also, how will you navigate! With out a chart and direction system, you will be utterly lost!! (Remember how fast your mobile lost signal when you were trying to send a last message after the plane took off? )
Needless to say that flying without radar will make you just what a bird is to an air craft. A sucker who collides with them and gets lives in danger!! That will make you a wtf super hero!
 High speed will demand radar, high altitude will demand temperature protection, drop in pressure will demand vacuum protection, and loss of sight will demand charts and compass together with a high skill training for air navigation, which will expose you well before you can take a first flight!  And don't argue that you will over come with all these handicaps with machines! You are asking for everything here other than an engine, which I suppose you yourself are.
What kind of superpower reduces you to being an engine! 
Finally, having just one power of flying with out anything else gets you in trouble for no reason. You may land up from nowhere in an awkward situation, but have no options to do anything after that! You can try and fly around, becoming witness to all crimes around you, and then testify in courts all across the country in life long cases.( provided all crimes are happening in open bars, as flying will not get you inside those closed power corridors! ) 
You will be a frequent flyer to courts anyways as your flying will break million rules, domestic and international. On a bad day you may find yourself facing a fighter plane, who not only can fly just as well (or better!), but also can guide a GPS missile to your ass! 

I will stay away from this power. All I need is a good plan to book a cheap ticket in advance, and a glass of wine if I am getting international !! 
I am leaving this power on a jet plane.....

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Super power potency test - (invisibility )

(an attempt to check how powerful superpowers really are. 1st one -)
Invisibility - Is this really a power or actually a handicap that most of us suffer all the time! Except a few awkward moments when I really want to disappear ( premature ejaculations included), don't I want to be most visible stand out person in my surrounding? Who would you want to be- A Barack Obama who is visible from all quarters of globe, or a back stage invisible dancer among 100 others gyrating in a Bollywood movie?
It's not a super power, invisibility is a super weakness! What a sham!! 
Makes me think, if God is really that powerful, won't he make himself visible instead of being a nobody in an ocean of nobodies? 


Thursday, April 30, 2015

The (wrong) reason of quake

In year 1934, Gandhi Ji missed physics Nobel by a nick. He postulated that earth quake( magnitude 8) in Bihar was nature's anger against Indian caste system. Mother Nature was really pissed. But it was not the last time when benevolence turned into  stupidity and insensitivity.
When scientists are still struggling to get an early warning of these quakes, leading activist Medha Patekar thinks that earth quake is a warning in itself! In her universe, Nepal earth quake is a warning to mankind against its interference with nature. Scientists, please stop adding an alarm bell to nature's alarm bell!You will degrade it into snooze mode!! 
Environmentalists like her spank industrial ass a thousand times, but do they ever thank a bulldozer which lifts the debris, and gives a chance to a resilient survivor to tell his tale? To hell with nature! Earth quakes are natural,our relief work is man made!! I admire environment warriors, but when all and everything that goes wrong is dumped upon human endeavours,I get jealous of dinosaurs. How much they must have interfered with nature to go completely extinct!

Evangelists are saying that it's an amazing chance to those who survived against all odds to chose new Gods. Slow clap. I won't find it rational to leave my god after he has just successfully saved me, but then religion is not a rational stuff, and I am not a believer. 
There are even such lunatics who think cow slaughter has inspired Mother Nature for man slaughter. I ran out for any smart comment here, but I will get back once I have taken my daily dose of cow urine!!

Why do people, who are otherwise intelligent, choose to humiliate victims of a tragedy?There are slabs of cement crushing breaths of children, while their parents may be crying outside begging for help! There are people who picked up more dead bodies then they could ever imagine! There are people who have lost everything in matter of seconds,perhaps even their will to move on!
Why do unaffected people need to explain reasons for earth quake in most stupid way possible!
If you think that earth quake was a "reaction", you are a being an  idiot of tectonic size.